December 13, 2022Comments are off for this post.

in the clouds

I’m on a cloud. It’s dawn. The sun is glowing radiantly, its rays peering through the cracks as if they're preparing to unveil a mystery - one that's long waited to be discovered. I'm enveloped in a kaleidoscope of golden hues, reflections of the sun signaling a new day.

I am laying down, hands resting at my sides and eyes pointed at the sky. I am paralyzed in awe, as if the sight in front of me is holding me and insisting me - willing me - to stay just one more minute. Forget your obligations. Forget your responsibilities. Forget it all. I am alone, and it feels like a trance or a dream.

Time seems to slow down. For a few moments, I am at peace. Then suddenly, I see thousands of images flashing before my eyes. I see myself conquering every fear and every doubt I've ever had. I see myself accomplishing the impossible; I am unstoppable. At first, the person I see is unfamiliar. A stranger. But the more I watch, the more I recognize myself. I am an invincible dreamer up here, in this utopia that projects my zenith. I am overcome with warmth, feeling a surge of hopefulness, optimism, fearlessness. The sun beams down at me, like an affirmation. But then it shines, glares, so brightly that I give in to the urge to look away.

I turn and roll over, dropping my gaze and facing downwards. Immediately, my stomach churns. I am staring at the ground, where the force of people and nature together is controlled by reality. At the basis and foundation of my hopefulness is a place where everything seems to go wrong, a place full of uncertainty and unrest. I shake my head. I don't want to go back. I start to turn back, back to utopia, but then I pause halfway, feeling the sun on my back. At this angle, the light and the warmth are comforting. It's a reminder that everything down there works out in an unexpected way. On the ground, the beauty comes from those with unique thoughts, ideas, dreams, and desires - those who emerge from the chaos stirred by negativity and confusion and cruelty. And despite it all, the sun still shines, even on the days with the darkest of nights.

My head is in the clouds while my feet are on the ground. It's not a matter of living as part of one or the other. I am a dreamer and an optimist, but I am also a realist. I live each day with goals, ambitions, and desires; but I also live with an awareness for the human nature that shapes reality. I am grounded by the people and the experiences that have carved the story of my life. These two places are the coalescence of how I react, grow, learn, and love.

September 11, 2021Comments are off for this post.

coming home

It was the middle of the afternoon. I watched the sun glare off my mother's black car as she rounded the corner and slowed to a halt in front of my freshman dorm. Just two months earlier, I crossed the threshold from adolescence and started my first year of college. It was my first time going home.

I adjusted the awkward grasp on my duffle bag and clambered out of the shadows towards the car. As I stepped out of the cool air, I felt a bead of sweat slide down my forehead. I sighed, wiping it away with the back of my hand as I settled into the backseat. I was mentally spent, having just finished my last final exam. The car pulled away from the curb. I closed my eyes, the rumble of the engine lulling me into a deep sleep.

When I awoke, we had reached the outskirts of my hometown. The sun was low in the sky, hovering just above the horizon. We were driving along the beach. I rolled my window down, greeted by a gust of cool air. Stretching my fingers wide, I felt the breeze swirl around my fingers. I inhaled deeply, the salty air overwhelming my senses.

Hues of red and yellow and orange danced across the sky, stretching further and further until they gradually faded into blues and purples. The clouds clustered together, chasing the sun further into the ocean. Birds circled overhead, their shadows dotting the sky.

As the road curved away from the beach, feelings of familiarity washed over me. The longer we drove, the further we entered into suburbia. I watched my childhood pass by as we got closer and closer to my house. Resting my elbow on the window sill, I took in the swings of the park I spent hours in as a kid, and the houses of friends I grew up playing in. It was comforting.

By the time we turned the corner onto my street, the moon steadily rose into the sky, casting a dim glow. The car slowed and settled into the driveway after the long six-hour drive. As the hum of the engine cut off, it became still. I paused for a moment. I got out of the car, looking up at my childhood home. The stress of final exams was long forgotten, replaced by a blanketing sense of calm. I smiled.

I was home.

November 14, 2018Comments are off for this post.

happiness

little thoughts

A dark purple sky hangs overhead, stars glazed and twinkling in the moonlight. The town is illuminated by distinct signs of life: cars driving through neighborhoods, lights pouring out of kitchen windows, sounds of a small plane ascending overhead. The faint sound of my friend's guitar fills the silence as we sit on a bench on the edge of a hill. We sit side-by-side, legs crossed and eyes up at the sky. It feels like we're on the edge of the sublime, untouchable observers in our own corner of the world.

"Do you think there are people that go through life without ever stressing? Do you really think people are happy?" they ask, breaking the silence.

"Probably," I say, peeling my eyes away from the stars. I glance at the ground, the question pulling me back to the present.

There's a pause.

"Are you happy?"

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