January 29, 2023Comments are off for this post.

why cooking is more than just a hobby

As a kid, I showed up to school with the same packed lunch every single day: a ham, cheese, and mayo sandwich - and I wasn't really fond of it. The mayo would always make the bread soggy, and that sandwich ended up half-eaten in the trash most days (sorry, Mom).

I just didn't grow up feeling any sort of volition toward food. It never occurred to me that I could go into the kitchen and make a meal I enjoyed. In high school, that ham, cheese, and mayo sandwich eventually reduced itself to a protein bar and whatever $2 taco I could snag during my 30-minute, off-campus lunch.

That lack of agency, motivation, and creativity showed itself during those years. It wasn't just about food; I was prone to bouts of depressive episodes, staying holed up in my room after school.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm in the last quarter of my third year of undergrad, and the pandemic hits. My college apartment was empty as my roommates stayed with their families; inevitably, I spent a lot of time alone that summer. I could feel my anxiety crawling back in as I was forced to figure out what to do with myself.

It started with scrolling through social media and watching TV. After stumbling upon a few food blogs, I decided to stop scrolling, take all that pent-up energy, and put it into cooking for myself. I struggled through recipes with a blind sense of technique, messing up more than one batch of chicken and staining my clothes with splashes of tomato soup. But it was comforting. I could lose myself in a recipe for hours standing in my kitchen. It became a sort of solace for me in a time of turbulence.

A few months in, I felt more in tune with my creativity. The more time passed, and the more recipes I cooked, the more my skills improved, and a new sense of confidence in myself emerged. It was a process I fell in love with: researching recipes, maybe picking one or two that tested my capabilities, writing down ingredients, going to the store, and then coming home to cook. I started sharing my food with friends and family and became connected to them in ways I hadn't when I was younger.

And when I moved to San Francisco following graduation, I carried all of it with me. In a shiny city with a new apartment and an adult salary, I invested more time in my cooking. In the unexpected challenges of post-grad life, cooking was always there. It's funny; it's like as the quality of my food improved, so did my quality of life.

I can't (at least completely) conflate my life with food; it's not as simple as that. But it showed me that having hobbies and passions could be fulfilling and enriching. It gave me a sense of purpose and movement in life. It became a little personal win every time I followed a recipe from beginning to end. Sometimes, when things feel particularly challenging, stepping away for an hour to do something meaningful lets you return to the people around you with renewed energy.

If you feel like you don't have books you can lose yourself in or the skills to pick up something like running or pottery, just try it. No one is judging you except for yourself. Look for things that sound interesting to you, and you'll eventually find activities that reinforce that sense of richness in your life. It took some time, but cooking became that for me: something I love to do, something to share with others, and something that helps me through tough times. It's a hobby, but also so much more.

July 31, 2022Comments are off for this post.

my first time …

I love San Francisco. It's my first home away from home. It's the setting for my post-grad story as I grasp this new life that's entirely my own with both hands. The feelings after graduating from college can be all over the place, and are bolstered with a sense of freedom that can be either invigorating and stressful (usually, it feels like both at the same time). But it's also exciting; moving to a new city also means new places to go, foods to eat, and people to meet. Here's a list of 10 of my first experiences in the city to celebrate one year of living in San Francisco.

My first drink

Zeitgeist: I moved from my college apartment in San Luis Obispo to San Francisco - there was no time in between. My dad took the train from Fullerton to meet me in San Luis Obispo, volunteering to drive the U-Haul carrying everything I owned into the city. To celebrate my first day in the city, my dad took Brian - my roommate - and I to Zeitgeist, a dive bar / beer garden around the corner from our apartment. I love coming there; the staff are friendly, the drinks are cheap, the food is good, and they host live music on Wednesdays and Sundays (which is the best part).

My first meal

Farmhouse Thai Express: A year ago, the city was a little quieter than it is now, with COVID restrictions just starting to ease up. Farmhouse Thai opened a few pop-ups in the city (including the one my dad and I went to in Lower Haight) that were takeout-only as a way to support the restaurant and its employees. My dad wanted to try the Little Lao set, which was a pandemic special filled with sample-sized portions of appetizers and entrees normally available at the main restaurant. My favorites were the Hat Yai Fried Chicken and the samosas. I recommend checking out their main restaurant in SF; you're guaranteed to eat some good Thai food.

My first hike

Land's End: When Brian and I moved to the city, we spent our first few weekends being tourists in our new home. Located in the northwestern part of the city, Land's End is characterized by its rocky cliffs, ocean views and Cypress trees. This is part of why I've grown to love San Francisco; nature is so accessible. In just a few minutes, you can disconnect from the bustle of the city. We walked along the Coastal Trail, which takes you toward the Golden Gate Bridge. You can see the ruins of Sutro Baths and even three shipwrecks just off the coast. Afterwards, we treated ourselves to a meal in Inner Richmond - my favorite part after a hike!

My first park hang

Dolores Park: I looooove Dolores. We came during Pride Weekend after just a few weeks of living in SF, and it was the first time I witnessed how people come together at the park (yes, we really do just sit on the hill for hours at a time). The best part is that everyone is just doing whatever they want, which makes for great people watching. That summer, I'd walk over in the evenings after work and sit by myself with a book and a blanket, and then rally together a group of friends to drink, eat, and catch up on the weekends. It's a space that you can make your own, while respecting that everyone around you is doing the same.

My first bookstore

Community Thrift (does that count?): A thrift store on Valencia in between 17th and 18th, Community Thrift is my go-to destination whenever I'm feeling stressed. Their book section is extensive, and refreshed regularly with newly-donated books. There's something about picking out books that have already lived nine lives in the hands of others that makes me feel more connected to the stories. I always find books that I wouldn't have otherwise read, like a memoir about Oliver Sacks (Insomniac City) or a once-a-day creativity journal (1 Page At A Time). They stock the ends of the bookcases with new arrivals, so that's my first stop whenever I come into the store.

My first farmer's market

Ferry Building: Going to the farmer's market at the Ferry Building is part of my weekend ritual. Every - or almost every - Saturday morning, I'll take the F bus line (the one with the vintage streetcars) down Market Street and walk down to the Embarcadero. I love wandering through the lines and lines of vendors, picking out fresh produce or grabbing a bite to eat. The first time I went to the farmer's market, it was nearly 3 pm and it was just about to end. I went to Midnite Bagel, and they gave me three bagels for free. The farmer's market is one of my favorite weekend activities; I highly recommend checking it out.

My first festival

Outside Lands: Outside Lands typically takes over the Polo Field at Golden Gate Park during the summer, but in 2021 it was pushed into October because of COVID restrictions. It fell right around Halloween, so everyone was sporting their costumes. I dressed in what I told myself was an 80s-inspired outfit, but I just wanted an excuse to wear big hoops and my beige pants (not that I even needed one). It was one of my first music festivals, so I only committed to Sunday. I wanted to see Kehlani and Rufus du Sol (surprisingly, my top artist of the year). The festival had pop-up shops, art installations, and a cannabis garden; it was so much fun.

My first espresso drink

Four Barrel Coffee: Anyone that knows me knows how much of a coffee connoisseur I am; I admit, I'm a bit picky when it comes to espresso. One of the only oat milk cappuccinos that I think is worth the $6 in SF is from Four Barrel, a neighborhood coffee shop on Valencia (and also a 5-minute walk from me). They offer pastries from Neighbor Bakehouse, display local artists' works on the walls, and only play music on a record player. I come here once a week in the morning before I start my workday as a way to treat myself and get out of the apartment.

My first trip outside SF

Yosemite National Park: When I moved to SF, I had never been to Yosemite. In August 2021, my friends and I decided to introduce me to the park on a spontaneous day trip. It was my first time going on a hiking trip since moving out of San Luis Obispo, and I was in need of a good dose of nature. It was just after the height of the wildfires that year, so it was dry. But we ended up doing a few hikes, including the Lower Fall Trail which had a view of Half Dome. It's on my list to go back and hike up Half Dome; there's still so much to the park that I haven't explored yet!

My first brunch

El Techo: The only rooftop bar in the Mission, El Techo serves Latin American street food. On a rare sunny summer day in SF, a few friends of mine from college met up with me for brunch. The sky was so clear that we could see downtown, and it was the perfect way to kick off my first summer in the city. We started with a margarita pitcher, and then ordered the Chicharrones de Carne to share as well as several other brunch plates. El Techo has great dinner and happy hour menus, but I think their brunch is my favorite - it's so good.

Those are ten of my firsts in SF - and there are many more where they came from. Every spot I mentioned is also one of my personal recommendations for the city. I truly love this city, and I can't wait for more experiences as I start my second year (we just renewed our lease) as a resident here!

November 30, 2018Comments are off for this post.

the time i (almost) became a child actress

It was midnight. The faded, worn-out tiger stuffed animal that I had been clutching for five hours was forgotten on the floor of a now-empty classroom, once filled with dozens of children, a production crew, and equipment. It was just a prop, but one that was the defining piece of my role on the set of Entourage at the age of seven.

Season 4, Episode 7: "The Day Fuckers." In this particular scene, the classroom was supposed to be a backdrop for Jeremy Piven, who would burst into the room greeted by the mess caused by dozens of unruly children. I was surprised by the amount of work and attention to detail that was dedicated to shooting a single scene of a TV show. Each and every element was important in creating organized chaos. Bright lights in every window to create the illusion of daylight, cameras positioned at different angles, and crew members scattered across the set. I was supposed to be chasing my brother who was running across the room, throwing the tiger stuffed animal at his back. It seemed like a simple task at first. But then I did it for five hours straight.

This was one of my only jobs during my time dabbling in the entertainment industry as a child. A year prior, I had been discovered in a mall when a woman with a fervid smile handed me a flier and requested to speak to my parents. In my parents’ eyes, it was a unique opportunity to explore a potential career as an actress. My immediate distaste at the idea of acting was evident the next day as I shoved the flier at the bottom of our trash can. But after some back-and-forth with my parents, I found myself in front of a camera two hours later, reciting the lines to a Reese's Pieces commercial. 

From there, I worked with my management to book a couple of odd jobs. I had head shots taken and a website set up, and started taking acting classes. My mom would drive me to Los Angeles on Wednesdays, toting me in the back of our minivan as I worked on my homework. My management was located on the same lot where shows like Wizards of Waverly Place and Suite Life on Deck were filmed. I remember running into David Henrie and David Deluise on my way to the office one day, completely starstruck after having just spent the weekend on my couch watching the show.

Besides Entourage, I booked a job with the show Heroes. Season 2, Episode 1: "Four Months Later." In the scene, Hiro, played by Masi Oka, was trying to convince Kensei, played by David Anders, to save a village that was burned down. As extras, we were supposed to be villagers, and spent the day walking in a huge circle around the actors to create the illusion of a long line of people walking behind them. I vividly remember loving my experience in hair and wardrobe, getting dark makeup smeared across my face and my hair thrown into a messy ponytail. As a kid, I loved sitting in the trailer, staring into the mirror and watching the quick transformation into a different person.

I booked these jobs around 2007. I was only seven years old. Sometimes these experiences feel like so long ago that I forget to appreciate them, but it's surreal to watch the episodes and catch glimpses of myself as a kid. While I *don't* think acting is for me anymore, it will always be something to look back on.